Yesterday (technically 2 days ago) my ex boyfriend Ryan got married.
It's been years and years since we've been together- anyone who thinks I've been spending the past 5 years waiting around for him has damn lost their mind. And yet....
The problem is... 5 years ago, Ryan had said he'd love me. The only person who's ever said they loved me and it was completely untrue. He didn't mean it, I know he didn't mean it, and I would be an asshole if I expected him to mean it 5 years later. Except the fact of the matter is he never meant it. He never in his fucking life did he ever fucking love me. I'm sure he wanted to- that it was easier and simpler to say he did than to feel what he actually felt. But when it came down to it, the problem I feel today (and every day) is that I genuinely did love Ryan. I loved him with every part of my being and he never actually loved me back. I've spent 5 years coming to terms with this- that I loved a man who never loved me. That I gave him every part of me and he just took it away. That he never cared. That he never would.
So it's 5 years later and somehow I'm still shook to the core that Ryan married someone else. Somewhere down in my heart of hearts, I thought that he'd realize what he missed, how he missed me, that what he felt for me was real, and that we really were soulmates, just as I had thought. It's not that I've spent all this time hoping and wishing he'd see me for who I am. Who we were. Who we could've been. That's not it at all. I mourn these 5 years later that he still never actually saw me. That he said what he said because it was easier than actually feeling. That I exist in his past as a blip of a person when he represents almost every part of me- good and bad.
I've moved on since him, despite what it might seem, I promise. Though I will be real when I saw that it breaks my heart to see that I never even fucking registered on his mind ever. Ryan defined so many parts of my life and it makes me feel insignificant when I see how little I meant to him in the end. I just wish that at some point he could've apologized, told me how he fucked up, how I deserved better, how he's sorry how his fuck up defined my life for so long, how he's sorry he lied and all the ways he could make up for it. But he's never said any of that, he never will. I did deserve better, I shouldn't have let someone who never loved me define me for so long, I shouldn't have let someone tell me those things when they didn't mean it. I should've realized that I shouldn't feel bad for how you treated me, you were a shitty dude so you treated people shitty. It was kind of your thing.
But I suppose that's that. And I'll move on. But if Ryan, you are reading this.... you're a dick and you owe me much more than an apology. I felt, what felt like forever, like I was completely insane, like I was not justified in my feelings for how you treated me. There's nothing shittier than convincing someone they deserved their less than superb treatment. You were a crappy person and maybe you aren't now but you were then. You need to be aware of that and I deserve much more than an apology from you one day. I look forward to that vindication.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Thursday, October 16, 2014
When You Are Old
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved you beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
-William Butler Yeats
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved you beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
-William Butler Yeats
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Review: Paper Clips documentary
So this morning I just watched the Paper Clips documentary on Netflix. If you are unfamiliar with this movie, it's about a 2 teachers and a principal from Appalachia Tennessee looking to widen their narrow, white Protestant view of the world and expand it for the children they teach.
I think it's great that this school, in this area, was making a genuine effort to diversify and educate their children about the dangers of intolerance and hatred. There are legitimate Holocaust deniers out there in the world, a disturbing thought, and it's very important for us to educate the next generation about the horrors that these ELEVEN million people went through and did not survive.
I definitely see the draw to make the Holocaust the example with which you teach about intolerance. It's steeped in history and very well documented, thanks to the Germans. You also have this charismatic leader who actually tried to EXTERMINATE an entire race of people- systematically and with the support of his constituents. Hitler is clearly evil and the Holocaust is a distinct tale of good vs evil.
While I applaud this school for making a conscious effort to broaden their scope and limit their own prejudices, I think this movie highlighted where the work for this town should have really started. Intolerance didn't just occur 50 something years ago on a completely different continent and America isn't the champion of ending it. It happened here at that same time in our own camps, it sways in the trees in the summers in the South, and it waits for us in the line at airport security. Our own government makes its own laws with its own prejudices and we follow along.
The first issue I had with this project was the number. 6 million. 6. What about the other 5 million victims of Hitler's systematic extermination? Why don't they warrant a paper clip celebrating and remembering their lives? Now whoever watches this video will say that in the end, Whitwell did end up putting 11 million paper clips in their memorial, almost begrudgingly. For the gays and gypsies. And Catholics. While their tale doesn't seem quite as tragic as sewing a star on your shirt, it does have similar ending. Some 5 million endings. The people in Whitwell seem okay to talk about and celebrate the lives of the Jews that were lost but why not the others? Why not the homosexuals? Is that because they feel those deaths were justified? I honestly don't believe that. I bet though that talking about the treatment of homosexuals in that time would have these young children come to believe that homosexuals are also people who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. And that thought might carry over into their everyday life, say when it comes to voting for gay rights here in present day? Afterall, we are educating this children so that they can change the world. Lets make sure they change it into one that fits our current prejudices.
The second issue I had with this is why go so far away and so long ago for intolerance and hate when there's shining examples not too far from where you live. The answer to that is probably the simplest. It's easier to teach about the dangers of intolerance and hatred through the Holocaust because of the clear evillness of the whole ordeal. Hitler was evil and the Americans came in and liberated the people suffering in the camps. We are the heroes! Lets congratulate ourselves on being the world leader on leading the world in goodness and light! God bless the USA!
There may have been a hint of sarcasm in there, did you catch it? While here in the good ol U. S. of A, we didn't round up and murder 11 million people as part of genetic cleansing, but we did round up people who simply LOOKED to be of a certain race. (Fun fact: google how many people died in the Holocaust and then google how many people died in Japanese internment camps. You will get giant large numbers right at the top of the page for the Holocaust victims and there's not even a number mentioned on the Japanese internment camp wikipedia page) There's a clear gap in knowledge because we want to sweep our disgusting history under the rug. I'm guilty of this as well. I don't know how many camps there were here in the US, how many people were put in them, or even really read anything about them. But I've read several books on the Holocaust and have been to the Holocaust Museum in D.C. as well as a concentration camp outside of Berlin (which does have a fascinating history of being a Soviet Camp after WWII was over. More info can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sachsenhausen_concentration_camp).
What about an even more glaring part of history that they could have taught the children about oppression and intolerance: the Civil Rights movement in the 60's in the South, Jim Crow, the Civil War and all those fun little years in between. White America in recent years, I feel, has been moving towards this victimhood, the problems with being the oppressors and having to feel guilty all the time.
I think the problem with teaching the children about the part of history that these adults actually took part in is how personal it could be. That it might show these teachers and administrators in a not so positive light, that these people may not actually think that ALL people are created equal. That the color of your skin does reflect the content of your character. I think that some of the benefits of doing a project that focuses on an intense and awkward part of Southern history is the growth that could come from it. This is a tangible issue that these kids face every day, why not impact them on that level? Why not change the way they view blacks in the south? Could educating the kids on the much more recent and relevant issue of the Civil Right movement challenge the kids to take that idea and apply it to other more current things happening, like gay rights, immigration reform, and racial profiling?
I do think it's important to teach our children about the Holocaust and I do appreciate the impact it had on the people of Whitwell's lives- these people were clearly touched and moved by the devastation of 6 million Jews. I hope it really did effect their assistant principal like he said, that he's going to strive to be less racist so maybe his children won't be too. That's definitely a step in the right direction.
I think it's great that this school, in this area, was making a genuine effort to diversify and educate their children about the dangers of intolerance and hatred. There are legitimate Holocaust deniers out there in the world, a disturbing thought, and it's very important for us to educate the next generation about the horrors that these ELEVEN million people went through and did not survive.
I definitely see the draw to make the Holocaust the example with which you teach about intolerance. It's steeped in history and very well documented, thanks to the Germans. You also have this charismatic leader who actually tried to EXTERMINATE an entire race of people- systematically and with the support of his constituents. Hitler is clearly evil and the Holocaust is a distinct tale of good vs evil.
While I applaud this school for making a conscious effort to broaden their scope and limit their own prejudices, I think this movie highlighted where the work for this town should have really started. Intolerance didn't just occur 50 something years ago on a completely different continent and America isn't the champion of ending it. It happened here at that same time in our own camps, it sways in the trees in the summers in the South, and it waits for us in the line at airport security. Our own government makes its own laws with its own prejudices and we follow along.
The first issue I had with this project was the number. 6 million. 6. What about the other 5 million victims of Hitler's systematic extermination? Why don't they warrant a paper clip celebrating and remembering their lives? Now whoever watches this video will say that in the end, Whitwell did end up putting 11 million paper clips in their memorial, almost begrudgingly. For the gays and gypsies. And Catholics. While their tale doesn't seem quite as tragic as sewing a star on your shirt, it does have similar ending. Some 5 million endings. The people in Whitwell seem okay to talk about and celebrate the lives of the Jews that were lost but why not the others? Why not the homosexuals? Is that because they feel those deaths were justified? I honestly don't believe that. I bet though that talking about the treatment of homosexuals in that time would have these young children come to believe that homosexuals are also people who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. And that thought might carry over into their everyday life, say when it comes to voting for gay rights here in present day? Afterall, we are educating this children so that they can change the world. Lets make sure they change it into one that fits our current prejudices.
The second issue I had with this is why go so far away and so long ago for intolerance and hate when there's shining examples not too far from where you live. The answer to that is probably the simplest. It's easier to teach about the dangers of intolerance and hatred through the Holocaust because of the clear evillness of the whole ordeal. Hitler was evil and the Americans came in and liberated the people suffering in the camps. We are the heroes! Lets congratulate ourselves on being the world leader on leading the world in goodness and light! God bless the USA!
There may have been a hint of sarcasm in there, did you catch it? While here in the good ol U. S. of A, we didn't round up and murder 11 million people as part of genetic cleansing, but we did round up people who simply LOOKED to be of a certain race. (Fun fact: google how many people died in the Holocaust and then google how many people died in Japanese internment camps. You will get giant large numbers right at the top of the page for the Holocaust victims and there's not even a number mentioned on the Japanese internment camp wikipedia page) There's a clear gap in knowledge because we want to sweep our disgusting history under the rug. I'm guilty of this as well. I don't know how many camps there were here in the US, how many people were put in them, or even really read anything about them. But I've read several books on the Holocaust and have been to the Holocaust Museum in D.C. as well as a concentration camp outside of Berlin (which does have a fascinating history of being a Soviet Camp after WWII was over. More info can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sachsenhausen_concentration_camp).
What about an even more glaring part of history that they could have taught the children about oppression and intolerance: the Civil Rights movement in the 60's in the South, Jim Crow, the Civil War and all those fun little years in between. White America in recent years, I feel, has been moving towards this victimhood, the problems with being the oppressors and having to feel guilty all the time.
"Hey, that stuff happened in the past and we're like real sorry it happened and all but can we just forget about and move on? I mean it totally doesn't happen anymore, I mean black people get scholarships that I can't get. Imagine if we had a whites only scholarship- people would flip. It's reverse racism!!"(If I ever hear someone say that, I'm just going to straight punch them in their fucking face. Because they are so fucking dumb and deserve to be punched in their fucking face.)
I think the problem with teaching the children about the part of history that these adults actually took part in is how personal it could be. That it might show these teachers and administrators in a not so positive light, that these people may not actually think that ALL people are created equal. That the color of your skin does reflect the content of your character. I think that some of the benefits of doing a project that focuses on an intense and awkward part of Southern history is the growth that could come from it. This is a tangible issue that these kids face every day, why not impact them on that level? Why not change the way they view blacks in the south? Could educating the kids on the much more recent and relevant issue of the Civil Right movement challenge the kids to take that idea and apply it to other more current things happening, like gay rights, immigration reform, and racial profiling?
I do think it's important to teach our children about the Holocaust and I do appreciate the impact it had on the people of Whitwell's lives- these people were clearly touched and moved by the devastation of 6 million Jews. I hope it really did effect their assistant principal like he said, that he's going to strive to be less racist so maybe his children won't be too. That's definitely a step in the right direction.
Friday, April 19, 2013
all good things must end...
one of those things being my first ever healthy relationship with my tall, handsome man. It ended well and I will be okay. Right now I'm pretty bummed out and find myself irrationally upset by episodes of Boy Meets World. One scene specifically struck a chord with me. It's from season 4 episode 13 around 11 minutes and 20 seconds in.
My boyfriend and I broke up because after spending almost a year and a half together long distance, I wouldn't move to there and he wouldn't move here. I feel guilty about it, like if we were so in love why didn't we make the sacrifice? I don't think it's that simple. Moving to either of those places would've been a fundamentally changing experience for us, it would've been out of character and we both would have been miserable in our respective cities. That's not love- it's not that simple. I've talked to several people about this and asked them would you move? Almost everyone's answer is if you love that person, then that's all you need in the world. That's not right, and that's definitely not healthy. I could never move solely for a guy, that is just not who I am and if I had moved for my boyfriend then I wouldn't be the independent strong willed woman that he cared for.
People didn't see us together so they don't know how much we cared, we care. I still love him and just because I didn't move doesn't mean I loved him any less. I know we made the right decision, as hard as it may be and as sad as I am, it was the right decision. And I don't love him any less than I did the day we decided this.
Mr Feeny: You know every year I look forward to seeing her and every year we part company, knowing that we care for each other but not quite enough to give up the lives we’ve made and find comfortable.
Eric: She said yes! You popped the question and she said yes, she said yes and you’re stuck good.
Mr. Feeny: No, no, she said no. We always say no. Why do we always say no?
Eric: Because you don’t really love each other.
Mr. Feeny: Now how would you know that, Mr. Matthews?
Eric: Because if you truly loved each other you’d risk anything for that love- even the lives you’ve made and found comfortable.
Mr. Feeny: I just wonder if at this stage in my life my risk taking days are over. Or perhaps I never appreciated the value of taking a risk and that’s why I missed the chance at true love.
Eric: Yeah I felt that same way when I broke up with Debbie, you remember that?
Mr. Feeny: No.
Eric: Well I mean I’m still in there pluggin’ away because I believe true love can come at any time
My boyfriend and I broke up because after spending almost a year and a half together long distance, I wouldn't move to there and he wouldn't move here. I feel guilty about it, like if we were so in love why didn't we make the sacrifice? I don't think it's that simple. Moving to either of those places would've been a fundamentally changing experience for us, it would've been out of character and we both would have been miserable in our respective cities. That's not love- it's not that simple. I've talked to several people about this and asked them would you move? Almost everyone's answer is if you love that person, then that's all you need in the world. That's not right, and that's definitely not healthy. I could never move solely for a guy, that is just not who I am and if I had moved for my boyfriend then I wouldn't be the independent strong willed woman that he cared for.
People didn't see us together so they don't know how much we cared, we care. I still love him and just because I didn't move doesn't mean I loved him any less. I know we made the right decision, as hard as it may be and as sad as I am, it was the right decision. And I don't love him any less than I did the day we decided this.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
I'm a superstitious lady
so I'll probably jinx myself by talking about my boyfriend but hell, that's what I want to do.
I read through some of these old posts and first off, I'm an asshole. I know I tend to write on here when I'm feeling dark and it has to spill out somewhere so I give myself a pass on that. But sometimes I'm just an asshole. Plain and simple.
Anyways, reading through these old posts I wrote a lot about Ryan. Specifically about not feeling empty. I want to clarify, I was not being dramatic in any way, shape, or form about how I felt. It was this all-consuming emptiness that I tried desperately to fill. And sometimes I could appease it, albeit temporarily. Lost was consuming, drunken nights had their part, and mostly the men in my life were constantly revolving. It was like I was trying to figure something out.
I don't think I knew who I was. I think I knew who I wanted to be, I just couldn't figure out how to get there. I just kept sabotaging myself as if I didn't think I deserved to get what I wanted. Maybe Ryan saw that in me even back then. I'm sure he did and I'm sure that would've been really frustrating for him. I know he cared about me, perhaps not as much as I cared about him but he clearly had his own issues to deal with and that's fine too.
I'm writing about this right now because 2012 is coming to a close and it was a year ago, almost to the day, when that emptiness finally subsided and I started down the path that led me to this sunshine, singing Janey that no one knows what to do with. My boyfriend this time last year was terrible. I don't think I've ever allowed anyone to speak to me in the way that I let him do for months, in fact, I know I've never let anyone do that. It goes back to what I was saying earlier, that I was sabotaging myself because I didn't think I deserved to get what I wanted. That's what Sam was. That's what I thought I deserved.
The revolving downward spiral of men in my life is astounding. Every one was worse than the other, and each guy I date I didn't think could get much worse. But then I outdo myself again. And Sam was the worse of the worse. Even worse than the nameless, faceless guy. I knew that guy was skeezy. Sam spent time acting as if he wasn't, but the longer I was with him, the worse he got. If he had pulled anything he had done in our last week together when we first started dating, I honestly think I would've put my foot down. But he conditioned me to think these terrible things of myself. He had this amazing way of turning every thing around so I felt guilty, even when it had nothing to do with me.
Sam was rock bottom for me. I finally knew that enough was enough and I decided that I was actually worth something. It was liberating. Looking back now, I feel like the girl from last year is an entirely different person, not only could that girl not be me, we wouldn't even be related.
Now enter Bryan, my new beau. I love him. Not in an all-consuming, reckless, fevered way, like how I was with Ryan. In a full and enduring way. I like how I feel when I'm around him. I'm not embarrassed of who I am or what I look like. I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I know exactly where I should be going. Like I'm a person with a purpose. Like I'm a lady. Like I'm special. Like I'm important.
Sometimes I wonder how I would react if we broke up (because guys, it's still me and I still am a pretty dark little lady). I'd like to think I would be all right. I mean I would be devastated but I think I've figured things out enough to know that I'll be okay. Eventually I would be okay.
Now I know this long winded post seems like it's about boys. Like I'm a girl who can't function without a boyfriend. I want to stress that this has never been nor will ever be me. I am typically a creature of solitude and have been since I was a child. I love my friends and I love hanging out with them but I have always been able to function quite well on my own. So no, I'm not a person who is defined by a boyfriend.
No, I just had the tendency to date random guys (never seriously, mind you!) that treated me exactly the way I thought I deserved to be treated. I dated the guys who viewed me the way I viewed myself, so the worse I felt the worse the guys I dated became. It was another form of punishment for myself, having someone else reiterate the dark things that lurked into the back of my mind. How terrible had it been that Ryan had taken all my insecurities and thrown them back in my face as the reason why he couldn't love me? That's why I couldn't love me. I had been a glutton for punishment.
Well I think I've summed up everything I wanted to say, more or less. I know I said I was going to talk about my boyfriend and I guess I didn't really- I talked about me. I can be very self involved, obviously I'm writing a blog to no one as if someone really cares about the big mental breakthrough I had a year ago. Ha!
Stay fresh ta death, yo
Monday, December 10, 2012
epiphany
So the most amazing thing has happened to me and I want to shout it off the rooftops:
"I'M HAPPY DAMMIT!"
The most bizarre thing has happened to me- I am changing my life to one I want to live.
Even when I'm bored or tired, I think to myself "I'm pretty fucking happy."
I took inventory of the things in my life that brought my stress and grief and I fixed them.
My job? Got a new one. My apartment? Moved out. My boyfriend? Dumped him.
(Not my current boyfriend, I love him. He rocks! I mean my crappy boyfriend from last year)
I don't know, maybe this is all just fleeting. Maybe this too shall pass. Maybe I'm in for a crap ton of heartbreak. But I like to think that this is the scales evening out. All those years of being saddened and alone and now I've stepped out into the light. And if this is fleeting, at least I know that I'm enjoying it.
This may also be another sign of the apocalpse, in case anyone is keeping track.
Stay fresh!
p.s. I have a kitten and he's uhh-door-uhh-bull!
"I'M HAPPY DAMMIT!"
The most bizarre thing has happened to me- I am changing my life to one I want to live.
Even when I'm bored or tired, I think to myself "I'm pretty fucking happy."
I took inventory of the things in my life that brought my stress and grief and I fixed them.
My job? Got a new one. My apartment? Moved out. My boyfriend? Dumped him.
(Not my current boyfriend, I love him. He rocks! I mean my crappy boyfriend from last year)
I don't know, maybe this is all just fleeting. Maybe this too shall pass. Maybe I'm in for a crap ton of heartbreak. But I like to think that this is the scales evening out. All those years of being saddened and alone and now I've stepped out into the light. And if this is fleeting, at least I know that I'm enjoying it.
This may also be another sign of the apocalpse, in case anyone is keeping track.
Stay fresh!
p.s. I have a kitten and he's uhh-door-uhh-bull!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
a non-important update
Hello nobody who reads this! I just thought I would check back here and update the invisible masses who read this silly thing about the unimportant updates of my life.
First off, I finally read The Late Shift, the book about the Letterman/Leno feud that I said I wanted to read like 5 years ago and also, as a follow up I read the author's other book about the Conan/Leno feud that just happened a few years ago. That one was more interesting to me, but I think that's just because I had become invested in that whole ordeal. To me, it was like a metaphor of my life. And yes I was that self involved at the time. I felt like poor CoCo, who had been promised everything he had ever wanted and had it all taken away "because it wasn't working" but before he was actually given a chance to make it work. Change CoCo to Jane and the following pronouns and that's exactly how I felt with Ryan. So his final speech he gave on his tonight show, it spoke to me in ways that I still don't understand. That whole thing was silly and sad, and sadder how much it all meant to me at the time. Nonetheless, the book was a really good read.
Secondly, I got a new job! I don't know why I didn't state this first, this seems like bigger news but it's too late! I can't edit this, this is written in STONE. Annnnyways, I now work for a company, you may have heard of, called Amazon.com? I am a customer service representative who works from home, which conveniently solved the "I have no car, how will I get to work?" problem. Crisis averted! So far I really, really like it. Besides getting to work in my pajamas, I also have a set schedule which makes seeing that handsome man of mine a little easier, despite the fact that it's made harder because I don't have a car. Now we can see each other every 2 weeks at least since I have every Wednesday off and he has every other Wednesday off. And the job for the most part is just plain old fashion FUN!
Thirdly, CATS! Keith and I are going to get a little kitten. Name possibilities: LLCoolJ (no explanation needed, really), Abed (but only if Keith will let me get a) a cardigan for the kitten and b) another kitten named Troy), Bro (Bro, get off the table! Bro, don't poop on the couch!), or possibly Ronald Weasley (a ginger kitty). Other names have been thrown around, we'll see what his name is when we meet him. OTHER CATS! I have started posting pictures of cats every time someone posts something political on facebook. It's pretty funny.
Lastly, I started smoking again. Sorry mom! World's saddest panda.....
So from my shitty apartment to yours, stay fresh!
First off, I finally read The Late Shift, the book about the Letterman/Leno feud that I said I wanted to read like 5 years ago and also, as a follow up I read the author's other book about the Conan/Leno feud that just happened a few years ago. That one was more interesting to me, but I think that's just because I had become invested in that whole ordeal. To me, it was like a metaphor of my life. And yes I was that self involved at the time. I felt like poor CoCo, who had been promised everything he had ever wanted and had it all taken away "because it wasn't working" but before he was actually given a chance to make it work. Change CoCo to Jane and the following pronouns and that's exactly how I felt with Ryan. So his final speech he gave on his tonight show, it spoke to me in ways that I still don't understand. That whole thing was silly and sad, and sadder how much it all meant to me at the time. Nonetheless, the book was a really good read.
Secondly, I got a new job! I don't know why I didn't state this first, this seems like bigger news but it's too late! I can't edit this, this is written in STONE. Annnnyways, I now work for a company, you may have heard of, called Amazon.com? I am a customer service representative who works from home, which conveniently solved the "I have no car, how will I get to work?" problem. Crisis averted! So far I really, really like it. Besides getting to work in my pajamas, I also have a set schedule which makes seeing that handsome man of mine a little easier, despite the fact that it's made harder because I don't have a car. Now we can see each other every 2 weeks at least since I have every Wednesday off and he has every other Wednesday off. And the job for the most part is just plain old fashion FUN!
Thirdly, CATS! Keith and I are going to get a little kitten. Name possibilities: LLCoolJ (no explanation needed, really), Abed (but only if Keith will let me get a) a cardigan for the kitten and b) another kitten named Troy), Bro (Bro, get off the table! Bro, don't poop on the couch!), or possibly Ronald Weasley (a ginger kitty). Other names have been thrown around, we'll see what his name is when we meet him. OTHER CATS! I have started posting pictures of cats every time someone posts something political on facebook. It's pretty funny.
Lastly, I started smoking again. Sorry mom! World's saddest panda.....
So from my shitty apartment to yours, stay fresh!
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