my room is clean but I am dirty

because I worked out tonight. GASP! Yes, I indeed did work out. I know I said earlier that I was working out, but I wasn't. I'm a liar. But I really think I'm going to work out now because Brittany from my work came over and we went to my apartment's gym and worked out for like an hour. We decided that we're going three times a week. And we really will go three times a week. When Brittany says she's going to do something, she does it. I find it a little annoying at times (because I'm a liar) but maybe I will stick to working out.

I need to find someone that works for the airlines. Veronica and I need buddy passes. Badly.

Next week I'm doing my taxes. I already called my dad and told him I was coming over. GASP again! What is going on with me? I call my dad, I have a clean room, I'm working out? I don't know either. But this should continue.

The Biff lovefest on Vday went well. There were no pictures, so I can't post anything :( Bum-doodle.

But on another bum-doodle note, I haven't started my UC paperwork but I sincerely intend on doing it tomorrow.

I'm listening to Make Damn Sure by Taking Back Sunday, which as my Annabelle knows, makes me want a cigarette. So that's what I'm going to go do. Smoke up Johnny! (10 pts if you know what that's from :) )

Stay fresh yo

my dvd collection is growing strong

despite the minor setback that many of them seem to be missing, such as Elizabethtown, 300, Grandma's Boy, 40 year Old Virgin, among others. I'm annoyed that they are gone, what the hell. Anyways I have been compulsively buying online, but the buck stops here. No more will I fall victim to the easiness of shopping in my underwear at 2 in the morning on a mere whim of a movie I feel like watching. That being said, I recently spent $50 (10 of it going to shipping costs unfortunately) on Grey's Anatomy Season 4, St. Elmo's Fire, Ferris Bueller, Pretty in Pink, Some Kind of Wonderful, and Say Anything. I don't think I really have to explain the mood I was in except I finally found Grey's S4 pretty cheap and I needed to finish off the show.

I finally got my passport photo as well, a step in the right direction for PlanEuro. I just need to finish applying for it. I have all the paperwork filled out and right next to me as I type. But it's expensive and if the weather hadn't been so horrendous my paycheck would've been a wee bit better. (That combined with I have been a horrible compulsive online shopper.)

I was counting on my tax return to pay for my plane ticket to Europe but it looks as though I made like just above $10,000 which apparently means you get nothing back at all. Great!! I won't actually know though until I do my taxes. So until then, keep your fingers crossed that by some stoke of fate, I will actually get my money back.

On a good note, I've been somewhat productive. I finally put my bed together and even slept in it last night (which is unusual for me) as well as planning a Valentine's Day lovefest so I'm not too bitter and cynical. It started off as a somewhat small get together with a couple (literally three) girls from my work to watch cheesy chick flicks and devour Little Cesaers Pizza and chocolate ice cream, but now the total in attendance is expected to be like 11 (including myself) which is alot. If you haven't seen my mom's apartment, it's not very big and my mom is in fact going to be in the next room and since the number has increased the need for alcohol has also been expressed. I'm actually really excited. Maybe I'll post a picture. Or two.

I've been pretty boring recently. I've just been cleaning, reading, driving the two seconds to work, and working. I need to get a jump start on my school stuff for spring quarter. My goal is to have everything done by this time next week. I'll let you know if I do. Since I don't do anything anymore I'll actually be more likely to do it.


well I guess, just stay fresh yo.

lots to do but no desire to do it

This happens all too often to me, I have tons of shit to do and absolutely no desire to do any of it. Actually, right now I don't have too much to do honestly. I work like 30 hours a week and I'm not in school and I live like 5 minutes max away from my job so majority of my time I spend fucking around. Nice, right? But do I unpack? Nah. Do I set up my bed? Nah. It's fine leaning against the mini fridge that morgan said she would pick up last week. My clothes are fine in random piles on the floor.

I think that if it warms up this weekend like its supposed to I will find a surprising amount of new found energy. I hate the winter. I wish I were a bear and I could sleep through it all. The snow, the scrapping of windshields, the slush, the gloves, Christmas, you can keep it all. I'd rather be sweating my ass off in 100+ heat. I actually love sweating my ass off in 100+ heat. I live for it. I think the coldness kills my spirit. Ugh, how much longer will I have to endure the winter for? When will it thaw? I'm guessing about 6 weeks-ish. I cannot wait!

I just finished reading All Quiet On The Western Front and I was concerned that I wasn't going to be able to handle it. I've never read it before, shocking I know. But when I was cleaning out my closet before I moved back in with my mum I found it in my "Kevin" box. Kevin had good taste in books so I decided that just because he gave it to me doesn't mean it has to sit in a box and go on unread. And I stuffed Kevin's stuff in another random box without looking at it. I want to keep those love letters. It's nice to know that at one point in my life I compelled someone to write such lovely things. But I guess finding my "Kevin" box opened up a big cosmic joke on me. I have seen Kevin 3 times in the past 2 weeks. I haven't even seen him in 2 years and then I see him 3 times. Once at a hockey game, and he hates hockey, and just sports in general. It was just weird. And it's annoying. Because I always look like shit. And it's not like it really matters. But no one wants to run into their ex every single time they go out, especially if they don't look their best. Ugh.

But Kevin was not the point of this. The book was. So I'm reading this intense book and it's like reading my diary, it's so incredibly intimate. But somehow I don't cry. And I cry at everything. I cry at like episodes of C.S.I. and I don't cry while reading this book which is about a subject so incredibly personal me. I didn't cry that is until the last 10 pages or so. Then I sobbed to the point that I was starting to hyperventilate. Poor Holly, she just sat there not knowing what to do. One moment she's watching something on George Carlin on T.V. and the next she has comfort me while I freak out. I don't know what happened, its like something triggered in my brain and all hell broke loose. Needless to say I won't be rereading that book anytime soon, I need an emotional break.

Anyways, I'm supposed to go out with Jesse tomorrow night at some bar downtown. Who knows if that will really happen. Holly asked me to go to some nice bar downtown tonight, but I couldn't. We even would have had discount drinks. Just couldn't go. Just couldn't. Perhaps Sunday I will go over to Veronica's new place and we'll have a Sunday Sad day night. We also need to get our shit together for Europe.

I need some motivation.