lots to do but no desire to do it

This happens all too often to me, I have tons of shit to do and absolutely no desire to do any of it. Actually, right now I don't have too much to do honestly. I work like 30 hours a week and I'm not in school and I live like 5 minutes max away from my job so majority of my time I spend fucking around. Nice, right? But do I unpack? Nah. Do I set up my bed? Nah. It's fine leaning against the mini fridge that morgan said she would pick up last week. My clothes are fine in random piles on the floor.

I think that if it warms up this weekend like its supposed to I will find a surprising amount of new found energy. I hate the winter. I wish I were a bear and I could sleep through it all. The snow, the scrapping of windshields, the slush, the gloves, Christmas, you can keep it all. I'd rather be sweating my ass off in 100+ heat. I actually love sweating my ass off in 100+ heat. I live for it. I think the coldness kills my spirit. Ugh, how much longer will I have to endure the winter for? When will it thaw? I'm guessing about 6 weeks-ish. I cannot wait!

I just finished reading All Quiet On The Western Front and I was concerned that I wasn't going to be able to handle it. I've never read it before, shocking I know. But when I was cleaning out my closet before I moved back in with my mum I found it in my "Kevin" box. Kevin had good taste in books so I decided that just because he gave it to me doesn't mean it has to sit in a box and go on unread. And I stuffed Kevin's stuff in another random box without looking at it. I want to keep those love letters. It's nice to know that at one point in my life I compelled someone to write such lovely things. But I guess finding my "Kevin" box opened up a big cosmic joke on me. I have seen Kevin 3 times in the past 2 weeks. I haven't even seen him in 2 years and then I see him 3 times. Once at a hockey game, and he hates hockey, and just sports in general. It was just weird. And it's annoying. Because I always look like shit. And it's not like it really matters. But no one wants to run into their ex every single time they go out, especially if they don't look their best. Ugh.

But Kevin was not the point of this. The book was. So I'm reading this intense book and it's like reading my diary, it's so incredibly intimate. But somehow I don't cry. And I cry at everything. I cry at like episodes of C.S.I. and I don't cry while reading this book which is about a subject so incredibly personal me. I didn't cry that is until the last 10 pages or so. Then I sobbed to the point that I was starting to hyperventilate. Poor Holly, she just sat there not knowing what to do. One moment she's watching something on George Carlin on T.V. and the next she has comfort me while I freak out. I don't know what happened, its like something triggered in my brain and all hell broke loose. Needless to say I won't be rereading that book anytime soon, I need an emotional break.

Anyways, I'm supposed to go out with Jesse tomorrow night at some bar downtown. Who knows if that will really happen. Holly asked me to go to some nice bar downtown tonight, but I couldn't. We even would have had discount drinks. Just couldn't go. Just couldn't. Perhaps Sunday I will go over to Veronica's new place and we'll have a Sunday Sad day night. We also need to get our shit together for Europe.

I need some motivation.