So I'm drunk.... who cares?? It only makes it super hard on me to type this accurately so what does it matter to you? Eh eh eh??? (I am backspacing alot.... alot alot alot!).
I went to Murphys tonight. It went well. I was super nervous as to what was to happen but Ryan wasn't there so it was okay... I'm not sure what to think though, quite honestly (and I am very honest, almost to a fault). I think I saw him at the end of the night though I'm not sure, I had a couple shots courtesy of the many men that fell in love with Sam, and I had been drinking for some time. I just hope I didn't make things awkward. That's not what I wanted at all. I want rainbows and sunshine and all that happiness crap for everyone, including Ryan. Especially him. He truly is a great guy, apparently just not the guy for me. And I am summoning all the good inside me to wish him true happiness, even if that means it's with someone else.
I'm trying to be a bigger person.
I want him to be happy, although I do kinda wish it was with me. But according to the wise sage Conan O'Brien, 'no one ever gets exactly what they expected'. And I am trying to live accordingly. It's way harder in practice rather than theory, much harder than you'd expect. But I'm trying- that;s gotta count for something right? Right??
I am overcoming, I am rising above. I would quote something from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books but my mom is sleeping and I don't want to wrestle through her books, but the quote is something like... 'She was bad at love. She loved too hard.' (Okay, okay.... I did look it up!) But that's how I feel. I have all this love in me and no where to put it really. I thought I had someone, but I guess I thought wrong. Next time I'll learn not to fall so easily. Next time I'll keep it together. Next time I probably won't fall inlove at all. That was honestly it for me. Oh well, at least I had a taste of love. Some people never even get to know what it's like. I just wish that was enough for me, I wish I didn't need anymore. But I do....
I am overcoming, I am rising above. Tomorrow is a new day with new challenges and new horizons. Maybe one of those will be for me, maybe it will be a break for me. Maybe tomorrow is the start of the rest of my life. I reallly hope it is, I want to see what's in store.
Stay fresh.
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